My husband has taught me so much about life. He is shy and awkward. When we first met, I nagged him and would put him down. I learned very quickly that he refused to do any chores, if I nagged. The first couple of years of marriage were rough. Reading the book “Love and Respect.” gave me a brand new perspective on how to treat a man. A man’s needs are completely different from a womans. If you give your husband/boyfriend what he needs, then you will get what you always wanted….love.
Here are a few things I somehow managed to get through my thick skull during our marriage. Believe me, my husband will tell you, I am like talking to a brick wall at times.
- Men cannot stand “nagging”
- We never say negative things about eachother to others
- Empower him
- Compliment continually
- Learn to say “thank you” when he tries to do any chores
- Allow him alone time, even if it is an inconvenience for you
- Encourage him to have “guy time” with his son/friends
- Kind to his son/my stepson
- Let him be in charge at times and feel “manly“
- Try to schedule time alone
- Laugh, even when things are tough
- Do not put him down
- Make him feel strong “oh my goodness, how did you do that?”
- Respect him, and he will love you
- Never allow other people/family members to make decisions in your marriage
- Do not have outside emotional/physical relationships with anyone
- It is your job to make your man feel secure and vice versa
- Put the past behind you, do not bring up the same arguments over and over. When he says “drop it,” that really means drop it!
- Men mean what they say, there are no secret messages in their words (unlike women)
- Treat his family with love and respect, no matter what – he will love you even more.
You can have complete control over how you react to what another says and does. You can react with kindness and understanding, or freak out. It’s up to you.
You do not have control over what another person says and does, even if you may influence it.
There will be ups and downs in a marriage. During the good times and bad, be there for him. If you are fighting, sometimes a simple touch is the best thing. Do not go to sleep angry at eachother. Every day give him a look of admiration. Let him know how much you appreciate him, and all he does for the family.
Women in society today are resourceful and independent. We women have to be versatile with kids, sports, and jobs etc! My husband did not feel needed during the first few years of marriage. I did not understand that he needed to be needed! Yes, I can do everything, but I do not, so he can feel like he is contributing. Sure, I could go to Valvoline and get the oil changed, but I let him do that. I could change the light bulbs, but I ask him for help. My husband loves it when I ask him for help with “manly” chores!
Men need respect and love. If men get the chance, they will rise to your expectations.
If you have any other suggestions for a great marriage, please let me know! I will add your suggestions to the list!