My husband has taught me so much about life. He is shy and awkward. When we first met, I nagged him and would put him down. I learned very quickly that he refused to do any chores, if I nagged. The first couple of years of marriage were rough. Reading the book “Love and Respect.” gave me a brand new perspective on how to treat a man. A man’s needs are completely different from a womans. If you give your husband/boyfriend what he needs, then you will get what you always wanted….love.
Here are a few things I somehow managed to get through my thick skull during our marriage. Believe me, my husband will tell you, I am like talking to a brick wall at times.
- Men cannot stand “nagging”
- We never say negative things about eachother to others
- Empower him
- Compliment continually
- Learn to say “thank you” when he tries to do any chores
- Allow him alone time, even if it is an inconvenience for you
- Encourage him to have “guy time” with his son/friends
- Kind to his son/my stepson
- Let him be in charge at times and feel “manly“
- Try to schedule time alone
- Laugh, even when things are tough
- Do not put him down
- Make him feel strong “oh my goodness, how did you do that?”
- Respect him, and he will love you
- Never allow other people/family members to make decisions in your marriage
- Do not have outside emotional/physical relationships with anyone
- It is your job to make your man feel secure and vice versa
- Put the past behind you, do not bring up the same arguments over and over. When he says “drop it,” that really means drop it!
- Men mean what they say, there are no secret messages in their words (unlike women)
- Treat his family with love and respect, no matter what – he will love you even more.
You can have complete control over how you react to what another says and does. You can react with kindness and understanding, or freak out. It’s up to you.
You do not have control over what another person says and does, even if you may influence it.
There will be ups and downs in a marriage. During the good times and bad, be there for him. If you are fighting, sometimes a simple touch is the best thing. Do not go to sleep angry at eachother. Every day give him a look of admiration. Let him know how much you appreciate him, and all he does for the family.
Women in society today are resourceful and independent. We women have to be versatile with kids, sports, and jobs etc! My husband did not feel needed during the first few years of marriage. I did not understand that he needed to be needed! Yes, I can do everything, but I do not, so he can feel like he is contributing. Sure, I could go to Valvoline and get the oil changed, but I let him do that. I could change the light bulbs, but I ask him for help. My husband loves it when I ask him for help with “manly” chores!
Men need respect and love. If men get the chance, they will rise to your expectations.
If you have any other suggestions for a great marriage, please let me know! I will add your suggestions to the list!
Doraz
/ April 12, 2012Marriage is fun and marriage is crazy! I have been together with my hubby for 27 years. Keep your sense of humnor going. lol
It really helps. Thanks for stopping in to my blog. Have a great day!
lizfruitberry
/ April 13, 201227 years, that’s amazing! Congratulations! Thanks for commenting.
I Write Irate
/ April 13, 2012I must say that humor is a key ingredient, but I would say that a nice helping of compromise needs to be added. Not the kind of compromise that breaks set principles, but the kind that encourages understanding and cooperation. Insightful post. I might have to make this part of the everyday.
lizfruitberry
/ April 13, 2012Yes, I agree. Thank you for commenting! I will have to add that in the post!
Brad
/ April 14, 2012If he reads this blog, isn’t he going to learn all your secrets like number 13.Make him feel strong “oh my goodness, how did you do that?” ?
lizfruitberry
/ April 14, 2012Yes, he will. He knows and doesn’t care. Ha ha. Just like when he says “no you haven’t put on a pound.” ha ha
Invisible Mikey
/ April 19, 2012This is such a good list! The only thing I would add, because it was crucial in getting us over our earliest, most difficult years:
A: You do not have control over what another person says and does, even if you may influence it.
B: You can have complete control over how you react to what another says and does. You can react with kindness and understanding, or freak out. It’s up to you.
lizfruitberry
/ April 19, 2012That is so true! I used to freak out, now I put myself in time out and try to talk it out later when not angry. Definitely have to add those to the list. It is also really important for men to listen to their wives. That is my pet peeve, if I get “tuned out.” It makes women feel unimportant. Even if my husband just pretends to listen it makes me feel good. Sometimes I wonder if men hear blah, blah, blah when women speak.
I need to do a list for what women need too! Great points! They shall be added.
WriteWriter
/ April 30, 2012I’m nowhere near marriage but I like this post, it’s from the heart and has a reoccurring theme that love and friendship are key to marriage, these two provide the base for respect, care and faithfulness.
You asked what I thought of your new theme on my latest blog post, and in reply: I like that it is simple and plain, that draws attention to your writing-good idea, but I’m always a sucker for a dash of colour or the odd picture header! Experiment with it, anyway best of luck with the blog.
lizfruitberry
/ April 30, 2012I keep having formatting issues with iPhone blog I wrote. It still is really messed up. It takes a while to get a blog how you want I guess. I may just take your advice on the header on the page Color makes everything better. Thank you. That was a nice compliment about this post!
L
mysweetestwords
/ May 9, 2012Take a time out once every few weeks/months and ask him if he’s happy. Then ask yourself if you’re happy. And if either of you is not happy, figure out how you guys can fix it.
lizfruitberry
/ May 9, 2012That is always a good idea. I also found that making time for a romantic date night, getting really dressed up and going out to a romantic dinner helps or a weekend getaway.