Weird Shit Americans Do: Chapter Two

Hang out with people we do not like

Try to impress people we have never liked and never will like

Spend money to impress people we cannot stand

Avoid people they do like in public, if the person looks embarrassing or they are embarrassed to be seen with the person

Ignore serious injuries to avoid high medical bills

Bet on really stupid things, Americans will bet on anything, you name it Americans will place a bet

For example: Americans will bet on a sports team based on a color, just because that is their favorite color

Bet on sports, horse races etc. on credit with a “bookie” that they can never pay, the “bookie” eventually just takes the money out of their ass (physically hurts them)

Play the lottery, with their last $20.00

Get rich quick schemes

Borrow money from one of those check chasing places, but never open a savings account. They will borrow every week, then their entire paycheck goes to the check cashing place

Rent furniture or TV’s from a Rent to Own store, and pay a high amount each week, but never own the item(s)

Magic Tricks

Magic Tricks that they know may injure themselves severely

Celebrity impersonating – even though of a different race/nationality than the celebrity (look nothing like the celebrity)

Say the word “sucks” or “suck” all the time. For example: “This job sucks!”

Try to control everything, when we really are not in control of very many things

Make crazy ass low ball offers on items, such as: cars, items at yard sales, and even homes. We make the offers knowing they will not be accepted, but counter-offered with a higher bid on the item.

Fall (on purpose) on freshly mopped floors at restaurants or any other public place, and then sue the owner for injuries. They mostly win the money in court

Skateboarding tricks that we know will get us seriously injured, but we do it anyway

Bicycle tricks we know will hurt us severely, but do it just out of pure boredom

Physical fight over sporting events, even at little league games

Physically fight over sporting events, then become best buds after the fight

Teens will do whatever it takes to avoid gym class

Come up with a great invention and tell all of our friends, someone steals the invention, before it is copyrighted (cannot keep mouth shut about new inventions) Then, afterwards try to sue for the copyright

Copyright infringement

Sue for anything and everything. Believe McDonald’s was even sued recently for someone’s child being overweight, don’t know who won the case

Shoot T-shirts into the stands at sporting events from a large barreled gun

Shoot potatoes from a large barreled gun

Drink a boatload of beer at sporting events, knowing they have a long drive home

Drink beer at their child’s birthday parties, then drive their kids home

Gamble away their rent money, and then make up an excuse like “I didn’t know I would lose.”  “Thought for sure this bet was a sure win.”

Believe magic tricks are real

Believe Santa Claus is real

Believe the Easter Bunny is real

Believe the Tooth Fairy is real

Take a chain link necklace and put it up their nose, and pull it down through their mouth (this was huge in the 1990′s) (Gross but true)

Make excuses for anything and everything. For example: “I thought that’s what you said, I am sorry, I misunderstood.”  “I thought you said ___.” (to the boss or spouse)

Date a person for a long time knowing darn well (the first time they met) they will  never marry them – ever

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

“You finally got all the attention you need to make it through the day.” 

–Talking cup says to the talking meatball on the cartoon “Aqua Something You Know Whatever” (funny cartoon on Adult Swim, Cartoon Network)

Yes, I watch those crazy cartoons on Adult Swim, think they are hysterical, even though highly offensive to every person in the world

Betting the mustard...

Betting the mustard… (Photo credit: BuhSnarf)

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28 Comments

  1. one of my fave weird things about young english men from the north i hasten to add, the south is a foreign country :) but up here in the depths of winter when its freezing and blowing a gale maybe even sleet too but you will see in our town lots of young walking about in a tshirt jeans as well but they act like its summer in hawaii or something when its clearly a very cold wet little english town! we laugh every time we see them and if we can drive through a puddle right next to them, well no not really, but someone should :)
    we also tend to consume vast amounts of sand with evrything but we laugh it off in that jolly english seaside town way and say stuff like ‘it adds texture’ can you imagine going to a restaurant and when you order ice cream it comes served with a side helping of sand that just as the waiter gives you the ice cream he blows the sand over the ice cream for you? or chips; when you go to a chip you get your order and the server says you want sand with that? and then blows sand all over your chips, but us english we just laugh and say ‘ahh its all part of living by the beach’ :)
    we get one day of sun we all run down the beach take all our clothes off then spend the next three days crying about our sunburn, because we are so used to rain when the sun comes we are not prepared and stuff like suncream just isnt remembered we know we arent going to se the sun again til next year so we turn pink for the few hours it comes out thats us pink and sandy its an attractive look you know :) have a great day liz :) xx

    Reply
    • All so true :D I never really got how lads could walk about in t-shirts when it’s snowing – I’m always there bundled up in coat/gloves/scarf etc. However, I am guilty of the whole seaside attitude but probably because we only go once a year so we have to make the most of it :)

      Reply
      • @mystudentstruggles – oh my had no idea that the winters were so cold in England. I do remember your post, you make your own scarfs, am I remembering that correctly? Seems like remember a photo of a beautiful scarf that you had hand made.

        Reply
        • I did make a scarf – as a present for my best friend :D I probably should make myself one before winter comes. Doesn’t it get that cold in America?

          Reply
          • I liked the photo of the scarf you made, yes the northern states get really cold in the winter, although last winter, in this state, it did not get very cold. It was a pain because the insects from the summer did not die, so we had a large increase in insects during this past summer.

            We depend on the icy winters to control the insects, especially mosquito larvae that the mosquito’s plant their larvae in water that is not moving.

            So, the mosquito’s are/were really bad over the summer as the winter did not freeze the still water in ponds and lakes. Pain in the rear.

            The Southern states (far south) have a warmer climate during the winter, such as Florida.

            Florida has some huge insects, like the Bahamas. If you look up the large insects in the Bahamas and Florida, they gross me out.

            While in the Bahamas I came across some of the largest insects ever seen in my life, scared the crap out of me!

            Reply
    • Wow! Kizzy, your comment gave readers a real view of life in England.
      Tshirts in the winter – people wear shorts and tshirts here too in the cold, it’s crazy.
      Sand – that is hilarious, had no idea. No, could never imagine ordering food, and it coming with sand.
      Sun – Awww cannot believe you do not get much sunshine. Don’t think I could make it without the georgeous days of summer, spring and fall here. Our winters can be bad though with ice storms.
      If we never had a sunny day, I would most likely get totally naked on the beach, if we had only one sunny day per year.
      Sunscreen – Don’t think would use it for one day either cause our bodies need the Vitamin D from the sunlight to function properly.
      Thank you Kizzy, that was an interesting hint of life in England. Enjoyed reading your comment, made me laugh and smile (smiling right now).
      :)

      Reply
      • glad i made you smile babes , my fave thing right there, have a fab day xx

        Reply
        • That reminds me need to do a “favorite things” post, sort of like Oprah Winfrey does…been meaning to do that, just haven’t had the time lately.

          Thanks for the reminder KizzyLee!

          :)

          Reply
    • So, so true. Temperatures below zero celsius and how many girls in short miniskirts, a skimpy top and high heels have I seen in London with their boyfriends in just a T-shirt?? And it’s below zero not including the wind chill factor!

      Reply
      • @nurulthecook – thought all men loved short mini-skirts, and skimpy tops (especially in cold weather), your comment made me laugh.
        :)

        Reply
  2. Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth fairy are real!!! :D lol
    If I absolutely had to bet on a sports team I probably would go by what they’re wearing because I know absolutely nothing about sport.
    Apart from that none of it makes sense – why??? I have to say you don’t paint a good picture of America, any good points? :D

    Reply
    • Yes, the greatest thing about the United States is summed up in one word:

      Freedom

      (pretend I am yelling this word)

      I love the United States, wouldn’t dream of living anywhere else. Our veterans and soldiers fought or fight long and hard for our freedom.

      Thank you to all US soldiers and veterans.

      Reply
  3. Now that’s what I call a list!

    I confess I hate those payday loan check things. We have them in the UK and while I can see why people in need might use them, I think they should be outlawed. When you read the small print in the UK adverts, the interest that’s charged is well over 1000%! To me that’s simply legalising ‘loan sharks’. I don’t know why its allowed.

    Had to laugh at comments from kizzylee and mystudentstruggles about lads wearing t-shirts in cold weather. I have been know to do that myself, both extremes, t-shirts in winter (I think its a rite of passage in Scotland) and jumpers in summer. As I said, I can be a little strange… ;-)

    Reply
    • @Somewhere Amazing – Had no idea you live in Scotland, now you have to go on the blogroll, as soon as I can figure out how to do that from the iPhone, since my laptop just died for no reason. Think there is a short in the charging cord, so it has no battery charge. Have to get a new cord tomorrow

      Check Loan Places – agree, should be outlawed, they are making the poor even poorer.

      Here, people addicted to gambling use them and every paycheck gets taken, so they end up losing everything. Legal loan sharks are exactly what they are, I refer to them as “shady.” Meaning, some of them are owned by private owners here, and if the person doesn’t pay, the money is literally taken out of their ass.

      Most of their “shady” connections to some pretty rough groups of people in other major cities across the states. The money flows up to these groups in some big cities.

      Wonder why your posts refuse to show up on my phone – so odd. Sorry, wish I could read your posts and comment thoughtfully.

      Reply
  4. I love this post! I’ve got a big list like this for the English (especially the Londoners), the Germans and obviously the Bangladeshis :-)

    I’ve had many a “rant” (I’m not saying you’re ranting, talking about myself) about the people of where ever i am living. So much of what you write applies to so many people I’ve come across.

    “Try to impress people we have never liked and never will like” That is so funny. So many people everywhere have become so used to being ‘fake’ that it’s ridiculous. All for stupid egoistic, self obsessed reasons. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being egoistic and self obsessed-I think it can be done honestly and with respect for others. For me there are healthy limits to even egoism and self obsession (I call it self-love). Honesty with oneself is definitely the deciding primary factor.

    Reply
    • Love your latest rant posts along with photos!

      Well, I do have a huge problem with egoistic, self obsessed people, in that they straight up….

      get on my damn nerves!

      You are right though, think there is a balance between self-love and also seeing and respecting the opinions of others, here in the blogosphere and also in the real world.

      Enjoy the rants, and your website is coming along nicely! Who doesn’t enjoy a bad-ass rant post with photos? I sure do.

      Reply
  5. Look on the bright side: at least Americans know how to queue. What is it about the non-English-speaking world that they fail at queuing? It’s not rocket science.

    Reply
    • @the Spideron, apologies, but unsure of what you are meaning by the word “queing?” Did your phone autocorrect the word by mistake possibly? Did you mean the word “sueing?” Clarify for readers if you get a chance, pretty please….
      :)

      Reply
      • Certainly! By ‘queue’, I meant forming a line where people wait, as in a queue for a nightclub or box office tickets. In continental Europe, there’s no concept. People elbow each other out of the way to be first in line. It really is quite sad.

        Reply
        • lizeccentric7

           /  October 9, 2012

          Oh, I understand now…Where are you from if you don’t mind my asking…and I am surprised as I really thought Americans were the only culture who really most of us have zero patience..have you ever seen an American if their internet goes down?

          It is quite funny.

          ha ha :)

          Reply
          • I remember the last time I was without an internet connection, so I completely understand. If my memory serves, I broke out in a cold sweat and got the shakes after 48 hours without pornography, but then I discovered my local library had WiFi. How on earth did we cope before the Web came along? I’m from England, by the way. You won’t find it on the map because it’s obscured by cloud cover.

            Reply
            • @Spideron – your comment made me smile. Yes, it’s scary how much we depend on the Internet. I am thankful for McDonald’s having free wi if too. I have heard the weather isn’t that great in England. Don’t think I could make it without the sunshine.

              Funny comment and thanks for making me smile!
              :)

              Reply
  6. You forgot fireworks. The Chinese may have invented them, but no one blows off extremities like us Murricans.

    Reply
  7. Hahaha, Americans just seems like children who never grow up.
    Peter Pan could be their official spokesperson.
    You forgot to mention cheeseburgers, though!

    http://www.nicholiovich.wordpress.com
    Do visit sometime.

    Reply
  8. So true! I love your writing style and your content. You have a gift. =)
    http://semanticsister.blogspot.com

    Reply

Thank you for your opinion and feedback. I will visit your blog and comment. Have a wonderful day!

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