I am truly sorry to everyone in my personal life I have hurt.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
All my love,
I am truly sorry to everyone in my personal life I have hurt.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
All my love,
Posted by lizeccentric7 on January 18, 2013
“Hospitals are places that you have to stay in for a long time, even if you are a visitor. Time doesn’t seem to pass in the same way in hospitals as it does in other places. Time seems to almost not exist in the same way as it does in other places.”
(quote author above)
We go about our daily lives trying to ignore the fact the hour glass is running so fast towards the end.
There is really only one subject I have not written about on this website.
Why do we avoid the subject? Surely, should be up for discussion, pretty important topic.
The word people fear and try to avoid thinking about, but it is coming as sure as taxes.
Time and death sort of go hand and hand don’t they?
Our lives are filled with daily chores, making lists, all the while ignoring the tick-tock, tick tock of our hearts clock.
Every heart has a timer of sorts, and it will stop one day, one minute, one second.
Will I have regrets? Can I make amends that I need to before then?
Will I have the time to complete any unfinished business?
I often forget to stop and think about the ticking of my own heart’s clock.
Do I have time to please people I dislike? No. Refuse.
Do I have time to try to make others happy, that will not be happy no matter what? No.
People I know constantly worry about their reputations.
Wonder if when they are lying in the hospital, going towards their last breath if they will think:
“Was my reputation good enough?”
“Did I please everyone?”
“Have I reached the education level and professional goals I wanted?”
No, they will not be thinking the above thoughts at all.
People who are near death only think of one thing – love
The last minutes of life are filled with visions of loved ones and people often speak to them, even if their loved ones have passed on (please keep in mind I have witnessed death in the healthcare field on several occasions).
The person only thinks of family and the people they long for, the deepest loves of their lives…..not bills, education, social status, or chores.
Many people never understand why I prioritize my life different from others, it is because when you witness death, you see what matters clearly.
We are only here for a short time, and then gone as a puff of smoke.
Love is all that matters in the end, and all people think about when the last bit of sand runs out of time in the hourglass.
The bloggers below wrote of time, and their thoughts prior to my own thoughts above.
If the bloggers had known this post was about death, their thoughts of the word “time” may have been different, as people generally do not like to discuss or even read the word “death.”
as the song goes “time is on my side, yes it is….”
Is time on my side? Is time really on anyone’s side?
Our brains avoid the word “death” or thinking of death automatically.
In order for time to be on our side, doesn’t this require the acceptance that death is a surety?
However, time and death are intertwined.
My research was to see how many bloggers put time and death together in their thinking process.
All of the thoughts below are from people around the world, just from reading a single, powerful word.
Words have much power, it amazes me the power of words.
Previous Research Post:
Been doing much thinking of the word “time” lately, there is one song in particular that sums up my thoughts. I am not going to add my thoughts here yet, as this is a sort-of a research post, and my interjection may scue the results.
If you don’t mind my asking this question of you:
“What is the very first thought that pops into your mind when reading the word, time?”
Note to WP Bloggers: Thank you for sharing your thoughts, they are most intriguing and thought provoking.
Posted by lizeccentric7 on October 28, 2012
This song by Norah Jones (click on link for video) is how I feel. I miss you so much.
Come Away With Me by Norah Jones
(click link for song)
I love you and miss you terribly Samantha.
“I want to walk with you on a cloudy day” Samantha.
as Norah sings in the song.
Posted by lizeccentric7 on October 25, 2012
“We may not have it all together, but TOGETHER WE HAVE IT ALL.”
Posted by lizeccentric7 on October 19, 2012
Finally, have come to the conclusion, that there are times in life when we will love someone dearly, but they will not love us back.
The ground feels unstable, hearing and senses are dulled, our mind trying to grasp the reality of the loss of a loved one or traumatic life changing event.
The world feels shaky and uncertain. The night brings dreams of the person and memories that are saddening but yet joyful at the same time.
Love that is not reciprocated is one of the hardest things to deal with in life, floating down the river of denial for much too long.
Honestly, I have been able to deal with losing someone by death better than losing the love of someone I love.
Making the journey to acceptance can seem daunting, but we have no choice but to head down the path to acceptance.
If you have never had to deal with the loss of someone, you will eventually, it is unavoidable.
Roller Coaster of wishing things could be the way they were, but the brain taking in only small pieces at a time of the reality of the traumatic life changing event. Seems the brain knows what we are able to handle.
If only we could turn back time.
Posted by lizeccentric7 on October 10, 2012
People often ask me, “Why don’t you make plans and stick to the plans?”
Well, there are several reasons for this:
What is the point in making a plan? For example: “Would you like to have lunch on Saturday?” My response typically is “I don’t know, can I call you on Saturday?”
Feeling the pressure of said plan, when may get up that morning and just feel like taking the dog to the park, or just watching movies and vegging out all day, or it may even be an actual occasion where in the mood to clean all day.
If the mood to clean and work all day strikes me, which is not often because fun is always over cleaning, than I surely have to change the plan to clean and do housework.
Mood – What if I am not in the mood for said made plans on that day?
Cancellations – Think it is breaking a promise to break plans…so, why not just never make plans until the very last-minute…then, no promises broken.
You might be thinking, “this sounds like a negative outlook.”
No, it is not, because the” no making of plans”, means no promises broken or hurt feelings.
What if I really need sleep that day? I cannot predict the future.
No making of plans until very last minute = no breaking of promises or hurt feelings
My aunt is the same way, and I sort of picked up this technique from her, smart woman.
She and I are much alike, in that if we get in the mood to clean, we have to clean that day or it simply will not get done.
So, in conclusion…
If you never wish to break a promise or cancel on another person, make plans at the last-minute and do not RSVP – ever.
To be honest, seems like each time ever made a plan, something always comes up…always. So, what is the point of a plan?
Can I predict the future? No. So, why make a plan?
Actually makes logical sense, if we think about the problem solving involved in the equation.
No plans = no pressure = happier = no breaking of promises or hurting relationships.
What’s the plan?
To have zero plans
How do you cancel plans politely?
No plans in the first place to cancel.
Posted by lizeccentric7 on October 9, 2012
Thought this very unusual, and asked if he was a homosexual, he said, “no” and took no offence to the question. I proceeded to dish out loads of advice and stories, Jesse listened, I was astonished that a young man was listening to me, and not due to wanting something more. Been a very long time since a man has actually listened to my words, so the talking, on my part, was most likely over-talking.I feel guilty for filling Jesse’s brain with useless facts (noted in the useless facts section category – on the sidebar to the right).
My Unwanted Advice (to Jesse)
The interview continued on all topics, mostly about dating, sex and marriage. I found a 21 year old’s views on life really interesting, as they are so different from my own. Jesse told me of his girlfriend who lives far away, and that he was madly in love with her, and he wished to marry her. Found this to be even more interesting, as young men of that age (in this area) typically are not ready for marriage.
The Roommate Introduction:
He kindly introduced me to his roommate Dorian, as I walked into their flat.
The flat was amazing! I believe it was above a building, like a studio apartment.The ceilings were high, with crown molding. The building was very old and had much charisma.My amazement grew of the architecture of the rooms that were surrounding me.The crown molding around the windows, doors and on walls, made the flat seem so “homey” and elegant, especially for (2) 21-year-old old college students. Immediately, began dishing out decorating advice, as the flat really needed a woman’s touch. Even though the flat showed obvious signs of “collegeness” it was quant and I just loved it, as I feel every old building tells a story (geek here).
The Fur Coat (has much significance for this report):
The large fur coat hanging on a door, grabbed my immediate attention. I decided best to wait a bit before asking of the coat, it was obviously old and had many stories to tell.
Jesse has a short and stalky build, while Dorian is taller and thinner, they both are exact opposites. Jesse was obviously from the United States, and his lineage appeared to be from the U.S. Dorian’s lineage is Irish.
Myself, Jesse, and Dorian continued lengthy discussions on all subjects; music, human trafficking, vampires, vampire movies, drugs, college, you name it we talked about the subject. The two handsome men’s responses were thoughtful, although I was quite surprised as to their not studying/reading much of American or world history, this surprised me as I learned such things early on in high school and college here in the United States (history nerd here). Both of their questions were intelligent and were well spoken and seem of a good & higher education (which I found refreshing).
The Aging Statement:
Jesse said, “My grandmother’s favorite music artist is Janis Joplin.” I was shocked, as my favorite artist is Janis Joplin (70′s rock singer/songwriter). In other words, this statement by Jesse made me feel very old. Like a dinosaur, the statement aged me.
My Life Odd?:
The conversations continued on as Jesse and Dorian were asking me bountiful questions of my life. Seemed as though, they were interviewing me, found their questions intriguing, questions that made me look at my self and life. Didn’t think my life was that odd, but apparently my life is not typical whatsoever compared to other woman in suburbia, of my age. Dorian and Jesse politely guessed my age at 31, thought that was sweet, as I am 34 or 35, one of those ages, I forget which one. The conversation continued into the wee hours of the night, and the discussions went deeper and deeper into the thoughts of my own and of the two young, handsome students.
My spuing out facts, just to see their reaction, or if they knew of such facts. I asked these questions to the two:
“Do you know the significance of the song by the band Filter, “Hey Man, Nice Shot?” Dorian and Jess responding with “no.”
“Do you know where vampire lure originated from?” They responded, “no.”
“Did you know there are many children missing in Romania for no reason?” They responded, “what are your thoughts on where the children are located?” Amazed at their thoughtful and polite questions as such a young age, I responded, “I feel the children in Romania (in my opinion) have most likely been abducted or sold into human trafficking and taken to Mexico or the United States.” I requested to change topic, as the discussion of such things makes me terribly sad (almost cry). Dorian and Jesse responded, “that’s probably right.”
Sex Topic of Interview:
“How often do you have sex and with whom?” was my next question of the two.
Jessie quickly responded, “only with my girlfriend when she is is town.” Dorian stated, “a few times a week…I go to a homosexual bar and take home the straight woman that hang out there.” (yes, I was amazed, yet again).
I then asked Dorian, “Are you a homosexual?” He responded, with an abrupt “no.” I knew he was not, due to him only looking at my chest while speaking to me, but figured a valid question, considering his above remark, and that he was wearing a rainbow bandana, which is the LGBT organizations bandana. I said to Dorian, “you are wearing the bandana.” Dorian quickly took it off and threw it across the room, and said, “my sister is a lesbian and I support the movement.” My response was, “that makes sense, I understand now.” I found Dorian’s free spirit a nice change from my normal day to day conversations.
My Website Review by the (2) College Students:
The two decided to check out this eccentric website, and looked it up on their, what appeared to be an iPad tablet. Jesse stated, “the way your websites slides on this tablet is awesome!” Dorian said, “yes, that is really nice.”Jesse laughed at the “Does Your Blog Suck?” post.
Jesse seemed more of a “hardy boys” type, and thinking of & missing his girlfriend. Awww young love, so exciting! Dorian seemed more liberal, and Jesse conservative. The two were complete opposite. They told me they have been best friends since they were little. Have no idea how two complete opposite types of personalities get along so well. Dorian, with his free spirit, is in tune with others around him. He seems to sense feelings more than Jesse. Jesse is an intellectual, Dorian seems more into others and has a high sensory on emotions and feelings (my opinions). Jesse is bold. Dorian is bold too, but Dorian is bold, and chooses his words carefully (as not to offend others most likely) as he seems to have high sensory perception.
Twilight Series Discussion:
Dorian continued to speak with me, asking me questions, me asking him questions, as he continued to stare at my chest. This is a few hours into the discussions, Jesse began to get bored, and retreated to his room, or to watch tv. Jesse did come back out and rejoin the conversation, after a short time. ”So, what are your thoughts on the new Twilight series?” Dorian asked. “I don’t really understand how a vampire would be able to ‘twinkle” in the sun, ” Dorion stated politely. The Twilight movies are a negative 25, on a 1-10 scale, in comparison to the books (my opinion). The Twilight book series is excellent, in my opinion, although the 3rd book seems a bit like soft porn, or whichever book in the series it is where the vampire marries the young woman, and they go on a honeymoon.Dorian retreated to bed, as he had to work today. Jesse and I continued our discussions into the morning hours. Needless to say, both young men and myself were exhausted from doing so much talking.
Let’s Keep in Touch:
Honestly, most talking (during a website interview) I have ever done in an evening. I intend to keep in touch with both (hopefully), and Dorian did send me a text message today. Cannot put the text on this page, as it was a little, lets just say,R rated. I laughed and smiled upon receiving Dorian’s text message.
Fur Coat Significance:
Liz finally drummed up the courage to ask, “why is this giant fur coat hanging here?“ Dorian responded, “my mother gave the coat to me.”
The subject of Dorian’s mother and the memorabilia(fur coat) seemed to bring on sudden sadness. The coat looked really warm, almost for an arctic like cold. Most likely was really expensive when first purchased. My eyes scanned the item, trying to take in every single detail to flash it to memory, almost like scanning an image into my laptop. Thoughts wondered through my mind of Dorian running his fingers through the long furs on the coat, and thinking of his mother. Memories, emotions, and pictures of people whom I loved came rushing into my mind looking at the details of the coat, people who abruptly left my life or have moved on to a better place. The coat had a special warmth about it, as I imagined his mother being very kind, loving, caring, and a warm heart, that held no boundaries of love for Dorion.
Rare Thoughts Rushed Through My Brain:
Eccentric thoughts rushed around in my brain, and hard not to say them outloud, as I had just discovered how much a coat holds hints of the inner core of the original owner. The owner who wore the coat for comfort and to get warm again from the cold for the long winters.Winter can sometimes seem endless as can grief, when grieving begins, and we cannot seem to grasp hold of anything, due to grief pushing the fog over our eyes, as a vail that we cannot ever remove.
People say grief can be resolved, I disagree. Have yet to meet a single person that is not still grieving over a loved one, even 30 years after the separation (including myself).
Quotes for Thought:
“coat that is worn on the outside shows the essence of the inside.”
“coat that is worn to protect our bodies from the elements, is often a parody of how we guard our hearts from love…as we do not wish for love to grow cold and become a victim of life’s never ending dark and icy winters. “
Posted by lizeccentric7 on September 19, 2012