I am truly sorry to everyone in my personal life I have hurt.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
All my love,
I am truly sorry to everyone in my personal life I have hurt.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
All my love,
Posted by lizeccentric7 on January 18, 2013
This song by Norah Jones (click on link for video) is how I feel. I miss you so much.
Come Away With Me by Norah Jones
(click link for song)
I love you and miss you terribly Samantha.
“I want to walk with you on a cloudy day” Samantha.
as Norah sings in the song.
Posted by lizeccentric7 on October 25, 2012
Finally, have come to the conclusion, that there are times in life when we will love someone dearly, but they will not love us back.
The ground feels unstable, hearing and senses are dulled, our mind trying to grasp the reality of the loss of a loved one or traumatic life changing event.
The world feels shaky and uncertain. The night brings dreams of the person and memories that are saddening but yet joyful at the same time.
Love that is not reciprocated is one of the hardest things to deal with in life, floating down the river of denial for much too long.
Honestly, I have been able to deal with losing someone by death better than losing the love of someone I love.
Making the journey to acceptance can seem daunting, but we have no choice but to head down the path to acceptance.
If you have never had to deal with the loss of someone, you will eventually, it is unavoidable.
Roller Coaster of wishing things could be the way they were, but the brain taking in only small pieces at a time of the reality of the traumatic life changing event. Seems the brain knows what we are able to handle.
If only we could turn back time.
Posted by lizeccentric7 on October 10, 2012
Wanted to let everyone know about the reasons you may have noted the following:
Different writing style
Short blog posts (that are not my usual writing)
Lack of responding to comments
Not commenting or reading your new posts
The reasons for the above is as of late have noted I am having trouble with reading comprehension – which is very odd for me.
Unsure if do to stress (well from the “Unsolvable” Rubics Cube post” issues
If this is a side affect from my new medication that is working well, but since started have noted marked decrease in reading comprehension.
Not a lie or excuse, my readers know me fairly well and sure some of you may be a bit worried about the writing style being different and super short.
I love reading and commenting on posts, so hopefully if there is a good day where the reading issue is ok, I can stop by and comment on your new posts.
So, if you get comments that are not thoughtful, it’s due to my reading comprehension as of late.
Know my blogging peeps worry so wanted to let everyone know.
Posted by lizeccentric7 on October 7, 2012
Problem: Husband has a long list of things that he wishes for me to do, and that is why he “emotionally separated” from me about a year ago. Now, we are physically and emotionally separated, and no longer reside together.
You could be thinking, “giving a person a list is ludicrous.”
However, in my particular situation, it is not, because these things are actions I should be taking anyway, and that most normal people do on a daily basis. In other words, they are of the “norm.” The actions he wishes for me to take would make my life so much better, he is right for asking these “things” of me to do, in order to better my life even if he is not in my life.
Liz needs to do things to make life better (normal) = Husband comes back and everything fine
I do not mind at all implementing the actions that he wishes for me to do, they are basic common sense stuff, that every person in America does on a daily basis, don’t want to list them as it is embarrassing that I do not do these basic things on a daily basis.
For example: Sometimes, I will just not do anything else but exercise (intensely for an entire evening) and thus not really get any other goals accomplished, just as a stress reliever. This seems to be aggravating to others in my life, because I am not “getting things done” in their eyes.
Liz needs better time management in personal life = essence of marriage problem
Problem Part 2: I am unable to carry out the list of actions that husband wants and needs in a marriage.
Need his support to start the actions I need to take to make our lives and my life better.
Background Part 2: Have tried so many times to communicate this to husband, he is not understanding.
Can you solve the puzzle?
Do you see the above rubik’s cube?
I am unable to take the actions needed that husband wishes, and the actions would be better for my life (extremely better).
However, cannot carry out the actions without husband’s support, thus I am stuck.
Have no idea what to do, or how to handle.
Goal = keep husband as love him deeply and believe he is my soul mate.
The marriage counselors in this area are just plain stupid, and their intelligence is so low, that I refuse to say any words to them at all. The counselors lack just plain common sense and intelligence in this area. We would have to travel far to find a good counselor.
Bloggers are wonderful advisors on life’s problems, so figured give this a try to get outsider’s points of view, from intelligent people who are writers here on WordPress.com.
Suggestions on how to solve the above rubik’s cube?
Posted by lizeccentric7 on September 23, 2012
Why is it that young love is so different for older people?
Perhaps due to the fact our hearts were mangled by loss, grief, and crushed to dust?
Speak to a person in the beginning stages of young love, it is such a serious emotion.
Just unsure why after a person gets older (like myself) that the love emotion fades, drastically.
Speaking of love for a partner, boyfriend or husband.
Older women like myself, we seem to not carry this same need for acceptance or love from our partners in order to feel secure.
I would feel fine without the justification of my husband, at this age.
However, as a teen or during my twenties such a lack of attention from a boyfriend or spouse would have driven me nuts.
Older women we just simply are secure and seem to not need the validation from our lovers/spouse to feel good about ourselves. Unsure why this is, but it is nonetheless.
See young men and women have much grief over a break-up. I remember the horrible breakups (boyfriends) of my youth and it was terribly emotional.
Women of my age and older, we have confidence and are secure in ourselves without the need of constant reassurance that we are pretty, loved and wanted by our lovers or spouse.
Would have been nice to have the same knowledge of the strange emotion of love during my first true love, as I do now being older.
First true love of life seems to be the “one true love.” This person is typically the one who breaks our hearts in our teens or twenties.
People of a certain age tend to not allow the love goggles to blind them in regards to dating or marriage, as young men and women do in the teens and twenties.
The first love of ones life, is never forgotten, but does often time cause scarring from a broken heart.
Posted by lizeccentric7 on September 22, 2012
Thought this very unusual, and asked if he was a homosexual, he said, “no” and took no offence to the question. I proceeded to dish out loads of advice and stories, Jesse listened, I was astonished that a young man was listening to me, and not due to wanting something more. Been a very long time since a man has actually listened to my words, so the talking, on my part, was most likely over-talking.I feel guilty for filling Jesse’s brain with useless facts (noted in the useless facts section category – on the sidebar to the right).
My Unwanted Advice (to Jesse)
The interview continued on all topics, mostly about dating, sex and marriage. I found a 21 year old’s views on life really interesting, as they are so different from my own. Jesse told me of his girlfriend who lives far away, and that he was madly in love with her, and he wished to marry her. Found this to be even more interesting, as young men of that age (in this area) typically are not ready for marriage.
The Roommate Introduction:
He kindly introduced me to his roommate Dorian, as I walked into their flat.
The flat was amazing! I believe it was above a building, like a studio apartment.The ceilings were high, with crown molding. The building was very old and had much charisma.My amazement grew of the architecture of the rooms that were surrounding me.The crown molding around the windows, doors and on walls, made the flat seem so “homey” and elegant, especially for (2) 21-year-old old college students. Immediately, began dishing out decorating advice, as the flat really needed a woman’s touch. Even though the flat showed obvious signs of “collegeness” it was quant and I just loved it, as I feel every old building tells a story (geek here).
The Fur Coat (has much significance for this report):
The large fur coat hanging on a door, grabbed my immediate attention. I decided best to wait a bit before asking of the coat, it was obviously old and had many stories to tell.
Jesse has a short and stalky build, while Dorian is taller and thinner, they both are exact opposites. Jesse was obviously from the United States, and his lineage appeared to be from the U.S. Dorian’s lineage is Irish.
Myself, Jesse, and Dorian continued lengthy discussions on all subjects; music, human trafficking, vampires, vampire movies, drugs, college, you name it we talked about the subject. The two handsome men’s responses were thoughtful, although I was quite surprised as to their not studying/reading much of American or world history, this surprised me as I learned such things early on in high school and college here in the United States (history nerd here). Both of their questions were intelligent and were well spoken and seem of a good & higher education (which I found refreshing).
The Aging Statement:
Jesse said, “My grandmother’s favorite music artist is Janis Joplin.” I was shocked, as my favorite artist is Janis Joplin (70′s rock singer/songwriter). In other words, this statement by Jesse made me feel very old. Like a dinosaur, the statement aged me.
My Life Odd?:
The conversations continued on as Jesse and Dorian were asking me bountiful questions of my life. Seemed as though, they were interviewing me, found their questions intriguing, questions that made me look at my self and life. Didn’t think my life was that odd, but apparently my life is not typical whatsoever compared to other woman in suburbia, of my age. Dorian and Jesse politely guessed my age at 31, thought that was sweet, as I am 34 or 35, one of those ages, I forget which one. The conversation continued into the wee hours of the night, and the discussions went deeper and deeper into the thoughts of my own and of the two young, handsome students.
My spuing out facts, just to see their reaction, or if they knew of such facts. I asked these questions to the two:
“Do you know the significance of the song by the band Filter, “Hey Man, Nice Shot?” Dorian and Jess responding with “no.”
“Do you know where vampire lure originated from?” They responded, “no.”
“Did you know there are many children missing in Romania for no reason?” They responded, “what are your thoughts on where the children are located?” Amazed at their thoughtful and polite questions as such a young age, I responded, “I feel the children in Romania (in my opinion) have most likely been abducted or sold into human trafficking and taken to Mexico or the United States.” I requested to change topic, as the discussion of such things makes me terribly sad (almost cry). Dorian and Jesse responded, “that’s probably right.”
Sex Topic of Interview:
“How often do you have sex and with whom?” was my next question of the two.
Jessie quickly responded, “only with my girlfriend when she is is town.” Dorian stated, “a few times a week…I go to a homosexual bar and take home the straight woman that hang out there.” (yes, I was amazed, yet again).
I then asked Dorian, “Are you a homosexual?” He responded, with an abrupt “no.” I knew he was not, due to him only looking at my chest while speaking to me, but figured a valid question, considering his above remark, and that he was wearing a rainbow bandana, which is the LGBT organizations bandana. I said to Dorian, “you are wearing the bandana.” Dorian quickly took it off and threw it across the room, and said, “my sister is a lesbian and I support the movement.” My response was, “that makes sense, I understand now.” I found Dorian’s free spirit a nice change from my normal day to day conversations.
My Website Review by the (2) College Students:
The two decided to check out this eccentric website, and looked it up on their, what appeared to be an iPad tablet. Jesse stated, “the way your websites slides on this tablet is awesome!” Dorian said, “yes, that is really nice.”Jesse laughed at the “Does Your Blog Suck?” post.
Jesse seemed more of a “hardy boys” type, and thinking of & missing his girlfriend. Awww young love, so exciting! Dorian seemed more liberal, and Jesse conservative. The two were complete opposite. They told me they have been best friends since they were little. Have no idea how two complete opposite types of personalities get along so well. Dorian, with his free spirit, is in tune with others around him. He seems to sense feelings more than Jesse. Jesse is an intellectual, Dorian seems more into others and has a high sensory on emotions and feelings (my opinions). Jesse is bold. Dorian is bold too, but Dorian is bold, and chooses his words carefully (as not to offend others most likely) as he seems to have high sensory perception.
Twilight Series Discussion:
Dorian continued to speak with me, asking me questions, me asking him questions, as he continued to stare at my chest. This is a few hours into the discussions, Jesse began to get bored, and retreated to his room, or to watch tv. Jesse did come back out and rejoin the conversation, after a short time. ”So, what are your thoughts on the new Twilight series?” Dorian asked. “I don’t really understand how a vampire would be able to ‘twinkle” in the sun, ” Dorion stated politely. The Twilight movies are a negative 25, on a 1-10 scale, in comparison to the books (my opinion). The Twilight book series is excellent, in my opinion, although the 3rd book seems a bit like soft porn, or whichever book in the series it is where the vampire marries the young woman, and they go on a honeymoon.Dorian retreated to bed, as he had to work today. Jesse and I continued our discussions into the morning hours. Needless to say, both young men and myself were exhausted from doing so much talking.
Let’s Keep in Touch:
Honestly, most talking (during a website interview) I have ever done in an evening. I intend to keep in touch with both (hopefully), and Dorian did send me a text message today. Cannot put the text on this page, as it was a little, lets just say,R rated. I laughed and smiled upon receiving Dorian’s text message.
Fur Coat Significance:
Liz finally drummed up the courage to ask, “why is this giant fur coat hanging here?“ Dorian responded, “my mother gave the coat to me.”
The subject of Dorian’s mother and the memorabilia(fur coat) seemed to bring on sudden sadness. The coat looked really warm, almost for an arctic like cold. Most likely was really expensive when first purchased. My eyes scanned the item, trying to take in every single detail to flash it to memory, almost like scanning an image into my laptop. Thoughts wondered through my mind of Dorian running his fingers through the long furs on the coat, and thinking of his mother. Memories, emotions, and pictures of people whom I loved came rushing into my mind looking at the details of the coat, people who abruptly left my life or have moved on to a better place. The coat had a special warmth about it, as I imagined his mother being very kind, loving, caring, and a warm heart, that held no boundaries of love for Dorion.
Rare Thoughts Rushed Through My Brain:
Eccentric thoughts rushed around in my brain, and hard not to say them outloud, as I had just discovered how much a coat holds hints of the inner core of the original owner. The owner who wore the coat for comfort and to get warm again from the cold for the long winters.Winter can sometimes seem endless as can grief, when grieving begins, and we cannot seem to grasp hold of anything, due to grief pushing the fog over our eyes, as a vail that we cannot ever remove.
People say grief can be resolved, I disagree. Have yet to meet a single person that is not still grieving over a loved one, even 30 years after the separation (including myself).
Quotes for Thought:
“coat that is worn on the outside shows the essence of the inside.”
“coat that is worn to protect our bodies from the elements, is often a parody of how we guard our hearts from love…as we do not wish for love to grow cold and become a victim of life’s never ending dark and icy winters. “
Posted by lizeccentric7 on September 19, 2012